12:34 Time for Change Part III

Listening to God through 12:34 and feeling His power change me has been, for lack of a better word, amazing; possibly a miracle. I've lived with the fear of failure for most of my life. At times, it has immobilized me to act, whether to walk away from a destructive situation or to follow through on something new and exciting.  More often than not, on the outside everything looked good, but on the inside I was a wreck.  This summer through the loss of a significant person in my life, I've had to face failure head on. The loss wasn't through death, though the grieving process has been the same. Watching someone walk out of your life and having no control over their choice to leave is devastating.  So many times I could have thrown my hands up in the air and given up, but instead, God has given me the endurance to move forward.

This week, I was at a loss when I read 1 Chronicles 12:34 "from Naphtali—1,000 officers, together with 37,000 men carrying shields and spears;"  Okay. Well. Where do I go from here?  I felt failure seeping into my thoughts, encouraging me to skip this verse.  How would I be able to apply this to a time for change? What was God saying to Paul and me through this verse? And seriously, who would ever know if I chose to skip it? Is anyone keeping tabs on my journey? Did I say God spoke to me through each and every 12:34 in the bible?  On the other hand, instead of giving up, I could actually take on this challenge.  I read and reread chapters 9-13 of 1 Chronicles trying to find, hear, or listen to what the Lord was telling me. Looking back in 1 Chronicles 12:22 it says, "Day after day men came to help David, until he had a great army, like the army of God."  Looking ahead in 1 Chronicles 12:38, "All these were fighting men who volunteered to serve in the ranks. They came to Hebron fully determined to make David king over all Israel. All the rest of the Israelites were also of one mind to make David king."  From here, God reminded me of the study that Paul and I had recently started called Forged in the Fire, a book focused on Samuel, David and Saul.  Now because of 12:34, Paul and I were spending our evenings discussing David, a man after God's own heart in great depth and deep discussion instead of sitting in front of the TV watching mindless shows while frantically bursting colored blocks on our iPhones.  We made a major change this week: turning. off. the. cable.  It is time for us to be a couple after God's own heart. 

I wish I could say that our life has all of a sudden been blessed with rainbows, sunshine and ease while seeking the Lord and His guidance to change us.  It hasn't.  In fact, spiritual warfare is in full force.  Yet reading God's Word has brought a strength and a determination that I've never felt before.  James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."  God challenged me this week while satan reared his ugly head in my life multiple times punching me in the gut, trying to knock the wind out of me, but I persevered.  I grew.  And today, as I'm typing right now, I feel good.  My life isn't perfect.  Sadness could consume me if I allowed it, but God is changing me.  He filled my week with research and growth in his Word and I defeated the pain satan was throwing at me.  I didn't give up and my relationship with the Lord is more intimate than ever before.