Over the past 3 months, I've had many ask if I'm still writing, reading, learning, growing. "Where are you?" The answer is always the same. I am still writing, but more reading, learning and growing. The past three months have been filled with fasting, family illness and friends' heartaches. Sometimes it's more important to exchange writing time with loving your loved ones.
Unfortunately finding a balance between loving those around you and loving yourself enough to NOT lose yourself can be difficult. That's exactly where I found myself today - completely out of balance. Exhaustion has worn me down and allowed bitterness to fight it's way in. I recognize it by the just plain nasty, negative thoughts that have popped in my head lately- those thoughts that then immediately prompt, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TYLER?!?! THAT'S JUST MEAN MEAN MEAN!"
A couple of months ago, my sweet friend blessed me with prayer beads. It took me a while to decide what scripture I wanted to use as my mantra. I finally decided on Proverbs 26:10 "Be still and know that I am God." It's my way of asking the Lord to take captive not only my thoughts, but my actions - attempting to fulfill 2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I just realized I've been saying my mantra A LOT lately. Which now prompts me to say, "I'm sorry husband for the past few days of eggshell walking. Seriously...BLESS YOUR HEART!" AND I honestly mean that in the biblical sense rather than the southern way of making my offensiveness's all okay.
I love how God meets you right where you're at - ready to speak to you in whatever way is needed so you will hear Him. His timing is perfect. This morning, I opened to chapter six of "He Still Moves Stones" by Max Lucado. The title made me laugh out loud: "Sour Milk: Overcoming a Bad Attitude."
Luke 10:40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me." Martha, Martha, the Lord answered, You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.
Oh my, have I become Martha??? The last thing I want to be is whiny Martha! I certainly didn't plan on being irritated with others and the role I believe they should be filling in my life. No wonder I've been frustrated lately. Thank you Lord for your perfect timing - your living word speaking to me when I was ready to listen.
