If only I could remember 2 Timothy 1:12 I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
I have no real explanation for why the past three weeks have been discouraging. I will assume a prominent stress was from the breast cancer scare we had in our family that prompted 8 days of waiting. A few days before our initial scare, we were hit with the devastating news of a family friend's breast cancer diagnosis. I spent the majority of those 8 days praying... no matter what I was doing, on the inside, I was talking to God. I was praying for my own personal love while, also, praying for several others suffering from various forms of this disease. I repeatedly read Psalm 107:20 "He sent out his word and healed them..." When our waiting game concluded, my family received amazing news...all clear. Of course we felt relieved and ecstatic. And at the same time, I felt sad for my friends. Out of respect, I didn't shout from the roof tops, aka an announcement on Facebook, that we slipped through the evil hands of cancer...this time.
Several times this month I found myself asking my husband and a few trustworthy friends the question, "Why does it seem like life is harder, more difficult, not as fun or happy since I've committed myself to living right and putting God first?" 1 Timothy 6:12 says Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. Honestly, I didn't expect this new way of living to be such a battle. I didn't expect a regular feeling of defeat... and it has nothing to do with people, but life circumstances. I recognize that my job as a counselor plays into this, as well. It can be oddly comforting that my struggles are nothing compared to what most of my kids experience daily. Unfortunately, taking in their struggles builds up and wears me down. Sometimes I want to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs, "REALLY? REALLY? Are you kidding me? Anything else?" On the other hand, I don't want an open invitation for more pain, more stress whether at work, at home, with family or friends. My plate is full. Then I have to remind myself of Isaiah 54:15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
Spiritual warfare never meant much to me. In all honesty, I wasn't even sure I fully believed it because it just wasn't something I'd ever experienced. I get it now. Previously, what did the devil have to fight for with me? Um, nothing; no battle here. Now, it seems there's a fight every day in some way or another. Discouragement greets me at my bedroom door, my front door, my garage door, my car door, my office door...you get the picture. If it doesn't win in one area, unfortunately it doesn't quit, but just attacks another area. Luckily, Romans 8:37 says No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. I must remember that, AND I don't have to do it alone. The best thing I've done for my life was change my surroundings. It wasn't easy eliminating destruction from my life, but I gained so many positive, encouraging, and non judgemental people. The exact opposite of who I believed would be in my life while attempting to be a "good Christian girl." I'm thankful I can voice my frustrations, fears, mistakes and challenges to family and friends who understand because they have experienced the same thoughts at one time or another.
The past three weeks, I allowed the "spiritual forces of evil" to grab hold and wear me out. I avoided reading. I avoided writing. I forgot Ephesians 6:13-17 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
My life really isn't sad or discouraging. I am blessed beyond measure. I am grateful for more than much. I don't spend the majority of my days down in the dumps attending my own pity party even if this blog entry may sound as if I did the month of October. However, I do believe in the power of sharing moments of weakness. If I can reveal my feelings of discouragement and just one person is encouraged because they aren't alone, then I know I did God's will.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Trust and Obey
This past week was long, sad and stressful. Most days I came home, laid down, turned on Netflix, and attempted to forget about the painful conversations that took place with children and families. This past week two of our beautiful young students lost their short lives in a hit and run accident. To make the situation more difficult, the students were refugees from Tanzania and their families spoke Kirundi. We communicated through their close friends or family members who could speak broken English. According to Wikipedia, Kirundi, also known as Rundi, is a dialect of the Rwanda-Rundi language spoken by people in Burundi and parts of Tanzania and Congo-Kinshasa, as well as in Uganda.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirundi
On Saturday morning, in services celebrating the lives of these precious girls, the First Baptist Church in downtown Amarillo filled with friends and family to say goodbye. The service began by the Burundi pastor of First Baptist giving the congregation a word and it was translated for those of us who did not understand. He shared several verses from the bible, but Revelation 14:12 resonated with me. This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus.
What I do understand, without translation, is grieving is universal. When reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren a couple of years ago, I found his teachings on death and grieving profound, as well as, one of those "duh" moments. He reminded me that in the very beginning God created us to live forever, so because we were created that way, no matter how many times we encounter death in our lives, it hurts. We weren't made to die. By the grace of God, we will be dancing in heaven, as one of the boys, with tears in his eyes, told me this week about what his sweet friends were doing now with Jesus. In an interview I found online with Rick Warren, he said, "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity." http://www.groww.org/community/boards/messages/8/10879.html?1226180873
Possibly the most beautiful sound I have ever heard was when about 200 friends and family sang in Kirundi Trust and Obey and Let There be Praise from the hymnal. As a counselor, it's important that I'm always in control of my emotions, but when I heard these angelic voices harmonizing to old hymns I heard as a child, only recognizing the tune, my heart melted and the tears ran down my face.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of his word, what a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do his good will, he abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share, but our toil he doth richly repay;
not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross, but is blest if we trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of his love until all on the altar we lay;
for the favor he shows, for the joy he bestows, are for them who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at his feet, or we'll walk by his side in the way;
what he says we will do, where he sends we will go; never fear, only trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Let there be praise, let there be joy in our hearts.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirundi
On Saturday morning, in services celebrating the lives of these precious girls, the First Baptist Church in downtown Amarillo filled with friends and family to say goodbye. The service began by the Burundi pastor of First Baptist giving the congregation a word and it was translated for those of us who did not understand. He shared several verses from the bible, but Revelation 14:12 resonated with me. This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus.
What I do understand, without translation, is grieving is universal. When reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren a couple of years ago, I found his teachings on death and grieving profound, as well as, one of those "duh" moments. He reminded me that in the very beginning God created us to live forever, so because we were created that way, no matter how many times we encounter death in our lives, it hurts. We weren't made to die. By the grace of God, we will be dancing in heaven, as one of the boys, with tears in his eyes, told me this week about what his sweet friends were doing now with Jesus. In an interview I found online with Rick Warren, he said, "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity." http://www.groww.org/community/boards/messages/8/10879.html?1226180873
Possibly the most beautiful sound I have ever heard was when about 200 friends and family sang in Kirundi Trust and Obey and Let There be Praise from the hymnal. As a counselor, it's important that I'm always in control of my emotions, but when I heard these angelic voices harmonizing to old hymns I heard as a child, only recognizing the tune, my heart melted and the tears ran down my face.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of his word, what a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do his good will, he abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share, but our toil he doth richly repay;
not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross, but is blest if we trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of his love until all on the altar we lay;
for the favor he shows, for the joy he bestows, are for them who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at his feet, or we'll walk by his side in the way;
what he says we will do, where he sends we will go; never fear, only trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Let there be praise, let there be joy in our hearts.
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