Today I accomplished a fear I've had, well, forever. I ran outside. And when I say I ran, I really mean I used the C25K app. Day one. So for those who don't know, it means I walked a lot and I jogged a little. But ... I did it. And I did it in the dark. By. My. Self. I did try and wake my dog up to go with me - the dog I always brag about being so loyal to me. That dog. At 5 am I rubbed his belly, but he didn't move. Nope. He just slept. I thought that might be my sign to stay in and drink a cup of coffee instead. I got to the living room and picked up his leash, banging it a little (a lot) against the table thinking he'd hear it and jump up with excitement. He didn't. When I got to the front door I banged the door a little (a lot) giving him one last chance to jump up out of bed and come running ... running with his scared momma in the dark. He didn't. In fact, just over an hour later I can hear his collar clanking now. Now he wants to get up. Whatever.
As I "ran" this morning (in the dark), I thought about how many times I haven't done things in my life because of that debilitating fear of failure. When I got "halfway" (for those of you who know this app), I turned around and started back toward the house. As I was "running" I thought I saw a shooting star, but wasn't sure if I was just delirious. I immediately thought of my grandfather in heaven. I thought about how proud he was of me. And then I thought to myself, "No. I'm proud of me." Forty is about accomplishing things for myself not to make others proud of me. And then, AGAIN, another shooting star. It was amazing. It seemed so close. It looked like someone had shot off a firecracker right in front of me. That's it. God was shooting off a firecracker for me because I was finally doing something to make myself proud. I "ran" in the dark - by myself - and I liked it.
