12:34 Time for Change Part II

Before I go on to Mark 12:34, I think it's important to know for over 20 years, since the 8th grade, I've wanted to hear the Lord.  I've yearned for Him to speak to me.  Whether at church, in Sunday School, through reading or just from conversations with people, I've always felt inadequate, even jealous, when it came to meditating on God's word; listening to the Lord and living by faith in His will for my life.  What was wrong with me?  In 2006 or 2007, I read the book Eat, Pray, Love and I fell in love with Elizabeth Gilbert.  Here was a woman who didn't even know the Lord, but she heard Him in the deepest, darkest moments of her life. Though she was scared, and though her friends thought she might be crazy, she not only listened, but put into action His will for her.  I loved Gilbert's story from beginning (Eat) to end (Love), but India (Pray) was my favorite.  It was me and for the first time in my life, I didn't feel alone or inadequate in the area of meditation.  Formerly, being still and quiet with the Lord meant my mind would race through random thoughts, like an out of control ping pong game, as if I were an ADHD kid on crack. I would just give up...which meant, I don't know... about 5 minutes into my attempt at meditating. I felt exhausted and defeated every time.  I did quit beating myself up, but I still didn't understand how to stop the "crack" feeling while meditating so I just quit trying.  I knew God loved me no matter how I screwed up. He knew my heart; He heard my thoughts, so that would just have to be enough.  I continued to pray my prayers before bed, speak to God throughout the day, and read about how to pursue His will. There was still something missing, but I just went on.  Hearing the Lord's voice in quiet time and prayer (living by faith) didn't arrive in my life until a few months ago...just a short 6 years after reading her book.  I've stopped praying for patience.  Now I thank Jesus for being oh so patient with ME!

I'm not sure which happened first; listening to God through 12:34 or reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan because it all started about the same time.  Either way, I think it's another important detail to include here.  Chan's book and videos (which can be found on you tube) helped me learn how to search out where I was in my spiritual life and to take an honest look at how I'm living, parts I desire to change and the direction I want to go.  It's certainly not an easy read, but it was exactly the push I needed to continue this journey.  Chan's workbook has guided me in a way I wasn't sure how to do on my own.  He prompted questions that I needed answers to which allowed me to sit...and dare I say, MEDITATE, on God's word.  For the first time, through reading my bible and evaluating my life, I'm ecstatic to say my Heavenly Father began speaking to me.  I let go of the control I've fought for so long to maintain and began to not only listen, but put into action His word.  Now I know and feel I am not alone.  I am not on my own.  I wish I could say it's been easy.   It hasn't, but doing His will has enabled me to not worry about how others view me or stress about my past, present and future.  I'm pursuing what He has created me to be and I'm at peace. 

Mark 12:34 says "When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, He said to him, 'You are not far from the kingdom of God.' And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions."  I wasn't sure who Jesus was talking to or what He was talking about so I read through chapter 12 and when I came to Mark 12:30 Jesus stated God's most important commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." In 12:32-33, "Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but Him. To love Him with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."  In Mark 12:34, Jesus was confirming and praising this man's understanding of His teachings.  AND GOD was encouraging ME through my newest 12:34 discovery.  That very day, in the middle of my struggles, He knew I needed His strength to continue the changes in my life.  I can't waiver in my pursuit of Him no matter how often I feel the sting of judgement from others; no matter how many people might think I'm crazy or making mistakes in my life.  What a beautiful and comforting message to read.  The changes in my life with my husband are moving us closer to His kingdom.  Thank you Jesus for your patience, your guidance, your strength.  We are nothing without You.

This journey is not complete.  I'm excited to say that God continues to change us through 12:34.  If compelled, return soon to read more in part III.




 

12:34 Time for Change Part I

It wasn't long after I began dating Paul that 12:34 became significant in our lives.  Even before each other, it seemed that two times during each day, we both found ourselves looking at the clock at the same time.  When he finally told me about his 12:34 "habit", I admitted to mine, as well.  After this revelation, texts would be sent and received most days at 12:34 full of thoughtful, love notes.  A couple of months ago, I decided to look deeper into 12:34.  Was God trying to tell us something more than what time it was?  As I had been seeking the Lord and learning what it meant to truly meditate on His word, I was excited and optimistic to see what God would reveal to me through 12:34.

My first verse: Matthew 12:34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  I'm sorry. Excuse me. This can't be right. 12:34 is supposed to be messages of love, joy and amazement because that's what I am...we are...right???  I was hesitant to continue my search through the bible.  I wasn't sure I was ready for God to reveal anymore to me. Actually, I wasn't sure I was ready for God to reveal MYSELF to ME. But instead of giving up, or changing "our time" (seriously, I considered pursuing 11:11 - maybe God would be sweeter in His teachings to me), I dug my feet in and read on.  In Matthew 34 and 35 He says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken. Hmm. I go to church. I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I love people of all backgrounds, cultures and races. Could this "brood of vipers" really apply to me?  Well... maybe... there could be things I could work on. I'm sure there are a few.  I admit I was scared to see what else I would find in other 12:34 verses so I decided to search my heart for a few days on Matthew.  It was time for me to find where I was out of balance.  What did I do in my life that needed to be changed? The most significant: to humble myself and not be prideful.  One day, when I am ready, I will be able to share how God took me to my knees revealing just how prideful and judgemental I was and I hadn't even realized it. A significant change occurred in my life that I had absolutely no control over.  It wasn't wanted, but it was needed. Otherwise I would still be the same person that would fall in the category of  "broods of vipers; evil speaking good." Thank you Jesus for lessons learned the hard, painful way.  12:34 is a time for change. Though I still think 12:34 should be sweet.

As I moved on in my study, I came to Luke 12:34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Okay, this was so much better than "you brood of vipers" even though God was making me face where my heart truly lies.  The day the Lord revealed this verse to me I knew it was time for me to tell my husband about this study; this journey through the bible of 12:34.  I knew this verse in Luke was significant because of the dilemma my husband and I were facing at that exact time. Does he stay in a job that will keep him away for long periods of time, though it pays as if he attended medical school? Where is our treasure? Is it in the love of money or is it in our Heavenly Father who wants nothing more than to take care of us?  This was a bitter, ugly pill to swallow.  Here again God was humbling me.  We are not in control, but He has thought of and taken care of everything.  Throughout Luke 12, Jesus points out that the birds never worry about or store up food for He provides for them.  In Luke 12:24 Jesus says, "...And how much more valuable you are than birds!"  For even wildflowers do not have to work at their appearance. Luke 12:28 "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you..."  Through prayer and quiet listening, Paul and I decided our treasure wasn't in the love of money, but in Jesus. Once again, 12:34 revealed a time for change.   Jesus says in Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?   Making changes in my life has often brought on stress and worry- Am I doing the right thing? What will everyone think? What will they say behind my back? It only took me 36 years to realize that the only person I need to worry about what "they" think is my Heavenly Father.  He made me in my mother's womb. He knows where I am going and what He created me to do. It only makes sense that I should seek answers from Him. 

Let the adventures begin!
I look forward to writing about the rest of my 12:34 journey throughout the bible... Happy to say it just gets better and better.

Livng On

"It's been over 5 months..." is how I began my last post on That's my blog.  That was in 2008.  Now in August, over half of 2012 has past.  I contemplated removing the old posts from the old blog, but as of now, I don't think I will.  We all have baggage; a history that shapes and defines who we are today.  Some of mine are there.  And wow.  How life changes. Drastically.  So I will write on in a new life; a new mindset; embrace the challenges, heartaches, and successes that have brought me along in my journey.  I look forward to the future and what lies ahead...starting with today.

The past two months have been some of the hardest of my entire life.  I considered giving up; throwing in the towel; just laying in bed and not facing another day; but instead, I decided to fight. Grow. Embrace change and fall in love with freedom.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb (Psalm 139).  Those words are like sunshine to me.  I find myself in search, in pursuit, of who He knitted me to be.  And today, because of this knowledge, I can breathe.  I don't know where this journey is taking me, but I am excited to take flight.  For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). 

This is a journal of where I've begun and where I will go; who I will meet and how I will change along the way.