Cheering Dogs and Air High Fives: The power of positive thinking

So I'm sitting here at my desk staring at my bookcase full of glorious books and this is the one that catches my eye, The Power of Negative Thinking: An unconventional approach to achieving positive results by Bob Knight. It was a gift from my sweet in laws. Bob is their neighbor and he signed this copy for us. It's interesting that this is the book that caught my eye as I've been thinking a lot about this lately ... seven weeks to be exact.

Seven weeks ago I signed up for a class to train for a triathlon because I have never been able to run long distances. I am deathly afraid of being in water that I can't see the bottom of and, well, I think the last time I was on a bike I was in the fifth grade. A triathlon class seemed logical. My first day of class was everyone else's sixth week of class. Class started on a stationary bike. I seriously thought my butt cheeks (you're welcome) would never be the same. That was just the first 10 minutes of class. I kept thinking, "Why would anyone purposely do this?" The wonderful woman next to me, possibly recognizing the agony on my face said, "Don't worry about the pain. You'll be amazed at how quickly your butt will callous." I'm sorry, WHAT?!?! Are butts supposed to callous? Then the bubbly trainer said, "Okay ladies, let's go outside for our run." The run consisted of 1.5 miles. That 1.5 miles consisted of me running maaaaaybe half a mile with 1.5 miles full of powerful negative thinking. I told myself that I couldn't believe I let myself get this way. I told myself how pathetic I was. I told myself I was never going to be able to do this. I told myself how embarrassed I should be. When the 1.5 from hell was over, the trainer - STILL MADE US WORKOUT! Not just workout, but run and by run, I don't mean jog, I mean run. And when that was over, we weren't finished - freaking more biking. Needless to say, there was a lot of negative self talk going on. And then ... it was over.

Two days later I went back for more. The callused butt - yeah it happened - the bike wasn't anywhere near as painful as it had been before. My main goal for this second training session was to run the entire way without walking AND I did it. My mind was full of negative thinking, but I still did it. After the 1.5, the workout continued with some sprints (OH MY GOSH is this trainer CRAZY?). Then more biking. I will admit that day I called my husband when it was over and I cried. My mind was so full of negative thinking I couldn't stand to hold it in any longer. I told him I couldn't do it. I told him that I was such a loser even though I ran the entire way. I told him how I couldn't believe that I let myself go from being such a physically strong person to such a weak soul. He listened. He told me how proud he was of me. He told me I could do it. I listened reluctantly and then, when I got home, I filled myself up with ibuprofen, iced my knees until I couldn't feel them anymore and went to sleep smelling like icy hot.

About three weeks into this hot mess (and never walking my 1.5 since the first day), I asked one of the girls in class (that I look up to) what her inner dialogue was when she ran. She said, "Oh I look for butterflies and when I get tired I look ahead to a mailbox or a parked car and I pretend it's cheering me on. When I get to the mailbox or car, I pretend it gives me a high five and when I hear dogs bark I know they are cheering me on." Um. Wow. Really? I'm not sure this fits Bob Knight's idea of powerful negative thinking ... so I tried it. Every time I heard a dog bark I smiled and in my head I said, "Thanks." Each time a car passed I thought about how proud they were of me. And the longer I ran, the more encouraged I felt as the ladies ahead of me never left my line of vision. Another thing I remembered my sweet little butterfly girl saying was, "It doesn't matter how fast everyone else is, you're still running as far as they are."

I began to think about how long I've operated on the power of negative thinking. It's been a long time. I thought about the amazing athletes I played basketball and volleyball with growing up. I never considered that they may not have operated on the power of negative thinking. It makes sense. They were always so confident. I was not. When my last high school coach entered my world, he played on my weaknesses. I will hope that he was doing this in an attempt to help me improve. Unfortunately, he didn't know my inner dialogue. I will hope that he had no idea how defeated he made me feel on a daily basis. I will hope that had he known, he would have approached me differently. All my insides ever felt in those days were brokenness and defeat. It's so sad to think that I had no idea others weren't operating on the power of negative thinking.

Today, because of the power of positive thinking, I ran 2.7 miles and biked 3.6 miles all while listening to the dogs cheer me on and the man mowing the lawn and drinking his coffee give me an air high five. And guess what? I gave it right back.

*** I think it is important to say that I like Bob Knight. He has a bad reputation in the sports world that he worked hard to earn, but as my in laws neighbor, he is funny and quirky and I truly appreciate the kind words he wrote in our book. ***